Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
