Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
