Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
