Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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