Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
