Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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