Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
