dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
