i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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