be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
