...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize