You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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