Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
