can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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