just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
