I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
