Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
