I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
