you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
