she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
