I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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