I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
