So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
