Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
