I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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