So drunk its hurt
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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