Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
