i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize