I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
