And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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