My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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