are you so shy because you have an std?
farters have to be the big spoon...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
