It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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