there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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