I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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