I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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