We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
