Dual....:-)
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
