Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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