marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
