a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
