Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
