im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you had me at cake vodka
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
