The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
