check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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