no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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