saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
