you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
