my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
