I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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