I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
