The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
