I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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