I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We are all done wearing pants today
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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