It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
don't judge my taste in strippers
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
