Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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