You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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