It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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