Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize