im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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