our cab driver is having phone sex.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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