bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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