It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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