Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
