yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
