Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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