Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
smell my finger.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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