hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You ruined the universe
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
