Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
