So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
