He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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