Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize