Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
