my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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