We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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