didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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